I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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