I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
