I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
