I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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