i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
