He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
