yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
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