We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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