Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
try to milk me bitch
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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