bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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