Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
