from now on my penis is your penis
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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