the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
