Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
