Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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