It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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