I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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