I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
