Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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