No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I still have a little drunk in my system
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
