this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
