went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
no more duck duck goose at the bar
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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