my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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