Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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