we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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