there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
