I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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