the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
