I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
