Can i not drive my cunt home
our cab driver is having phone sex.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
