God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Farmville is her only friend.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
