After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
