guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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