why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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