i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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