**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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