this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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