But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
