btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
