These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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