I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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