I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
