I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize