If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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