i'm signing you up for texting rehab
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
