Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Even my vagina gasped.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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