she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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