I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
