This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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