I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
