Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
